Plumbing, February 2, 2013

The Fitzgerald Theater

Saint Paul, MN


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Plumbing

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GK: Here's a helpful reminder to you Do-It-Yourselfers. When you're doing plumbing, don't forget to turn off the water in the basement. Here's a man who wants to replace the shower head in the bathroom (TR HUMMING, TOOLS, UNSCREWING RUSTED PIPE) and he is working very hard with great confidence until the cold water pipe comes loose and then (JETSTREAM OF WATER, TR SURPRISE AND HORROR, FIGHTING, TRYING TO PUT IN NEW SHOWER HEAD, CURSING) water is gushing out and he tries to stop it by screwing on the new shower head (HIGH PRESSURE WATER SHOOTING OUT, TR CURSING) and now he tries turning the knobs and (CLANKS) they come off in his hands and water is rising in the bathroom and he sees that the electric heater is on (CRY OF ALARM AS WATER GUSHES) and he reaches to unplug it and (ELECTRIC SHOCK) ---- FADE INTO ORGAN MEMORIAL MUSIC, SS SNIFFLES, WEEPS) and the next week his ashes were deposited under a tombstone that reads:

SS:
David marched to a different drummer.
But still he should've called a plumber.

FN: Yeah. This is Pat Mulcahy. People try to do their own plumbing and nine times out of ten it winds up an absolute disaster. They put in a new toilet and it works for a few days and then somebody flushes and something very surprising happens. It's a dirty job but somebody's got to do it and that's us. Mulcahy Plumbing. We're in the book.

GK: (SINGS, TO "LITTLE GYPSY SWEETHEART")
If the water's leaking through the ceiling
When you fill your tub.
If you flush and get an awful feeling
The water's coming up. (FN: You're using the wrong kind of toilet paper.)

Don't despair, just call Mulcahy's Plumbing
No job too big or small. (FN: Let me have a look.)
We'll be there to handle all your problems
Mulcahy's of St. Paul. (FN: Let's go. ) (TRUCK)

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