Men, February 16, 2013

The Fitzgerald Theater

Saint Paul, MN


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(THEME)

TR: .... Men On Ice, stories of men in padded suits and big boots who venture out on the frozen lakes of Minnesota in search of the elusive crappie and sunfish. MEN ON ICE (FN ECHO).

(WIND, OFF, WATER BLIPS)

GK: So. What kind of bait you using?

(BEAT)

DR: Me?

GK: Yeah.

(LONG BEAT)

DR: Raw bacon and a cockroach.

GK: Huh.

DR: Getting any bites yet?

(LONG BEAT)

DR: Nope. You?

(LONG BEAT)

GK: Not yet.

TR: Dark in here. Anybody mind if I turn on a lantern?

DR: Rather you didn't, Ed. Scares the fish off.

TR: What fish you talking about?

DR: Do whatever you want but you asked me if I mind, the answer is yes.

TR: Okay. Don't get your undies in a twist, okay?

DR: What you using today?

TR: Me?

DR: Yeah.

TR: Chunk of pork fat soaked in beer.

DR: Uh huh.

GK: How long we been out here anyway?

FN: About five hours.

GK: Okay. You getting any bites, Willard?

FN: Few.

GK: What you got on the hook?

FN: Using a Stilton cheese and an anchovy.

DR: When'd you start fishing with anchovies?

FN: This year. Used to use eggplant with a little liver pate but I'm using anchovies now. (SPLASH) Whoa. I think I got one. Big one. Really big one. (REELING) (FN STRAIN) (ROAR OF FISH, FN BEATING THE FISH WITH A STICK, GRUNTING, FISH ROAR, SPLASH, SILENCE) (BEAT) Got away.

GK: Sounded like a big one.

FN: I'd say two hundred pounds. Probably a lake shark.

DR: You got any more of those anchovies?

FN: Sure.

DR: Not having much luck with this bacon.

FN: Here?

DR: Slimy little thing, ain't it.

TR: What you using today, Jack?

GK: Minnow.

FN: Huh. Didn't know anyone still did that.

GK: I do.

DR: Any bites?

GK: Nope. Not yet.

(LONG BEAT)

TR: Anybody mind if I turn on a radio?

(LONG BEAT)

TR: Okay, forget it.

DR: If you're bored, Ed, don't feel you got to stay around.

TR: Just thought a little music might be nice.

DR: Just saying. I kinda like the silence.

TR: Okay then . Whatever.

(LONG PAUSE)

SS: How's the fishing, boys?

GK: Who're you?

SS: Carmen.

TR: Do we know you?

SS: Not yet.

DR: Where are you?

SS: Right over here.

DR: Where?

SS: Here.

(BEAT)

DR: (SHUDDER OF SURPRISE) Oh my God.

GK: What?

(BEAT)

DR: Her whole lower body is covered with fins.

FN: Get out of here.

DR: I'm sorry if I shouldn't have touched you there, I couldn't see you-----

SS: That's all right.

GK: How'd you get in here?

SS: Came up from the lake. Through the hole.

TR: What do you want?

SS: Just thought I'd get warm.

GK: Okay. We got a rule against women in the fish house but it's okay, but just for a few minutes, okay?

SS: I'm only half woman though.

GK: Okay. Whatever.

SS: Why the rule against women?

GK: They talk too much.

SS: Oh. Okay.

(LONG BEAT)

FN: You care for an anchovy?

SS: I love anchovies.

FN: Here. Take all you like.

SS: Thanks. (LONG BEAT)
(THEME)

TR: MEN ON ICE, stories of men who seek adventure in the fishing shacks of Minnesota. Join us again next time for another episode of MEN ON ICE.

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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