(PHONE RINGS, 3X)
SS (MOM): Hello?
GK: Hi. It's me. Just calling to see how you are. Haven't heard from you in awhile. Are you okay?
SS: Well, we're on a cruise, Duane. We're out in the middle of the ocean. I didn't even know my phone would work out here-----(FN OFF, SINGING: One love. One heart. Let's get together and feel all right.) (TR OFF, LATIN VOCAL CRIES) Sorry, I'm at a dance. ----Stop that, Hank. Put a shirt on, for mercy sakes. -----Let me go to a quieter place, Duane. Hold on. (LATIN WHOOPS AND CRIES) (DOOR CLOSE) There.
GK: You're on a cruise? Where?
SS: We're down in the Caribbean. Ten days. Going to be in Key West tomorrow. And we saw a whale this morning. I'll send you a picture.
GK: I can't believe you didn't tell me you were going on a cruise.
SS: Well we got a deal through this group we belong to. Puck.
SS: Parents of Ungrateful Children. It's a recovery group.
GK: Okay. Well. Hope you're having a good time.
SS: I never knew that this kind of support was out there. I've made so many new friends. We share our stories, we're helping each other heal and find closure. I have a sponsor who I can call if I start to feel bad. Her name is Develyth.
GK: Well, sounds like you're busy. That's great. I should let you go.
SS: No no no. No no honey. There was something I wanted to tell you.
GK: I can call later. I'll call you when you're back home. It'll be cheaper.
SS: No no. No no no. Let me try to remember what I was going to call and tell you---- Here, talk to your dad for a minute. (OFF) Take the phone, Hank. (TR MUMBLES) Oh now Hank come on. (TR OFF: NO THANKS, NO MORE FRUIT FOR ME)
GK: Hi dad.
TR: Hi son.
GK: So. I hear you're on a cruise.
TR: Ya. We like it.
GK: A cruise for seniors with ungrateful adult children.
TR: Oh. Well, you know your mom.
GK: I do, yes.
TR: I'm into the karaoke. So. That's my thing.
GK: You're singing?
TR: Every night. (HE SINGS) "I fell into a burning ring of fire. I went down down down as the flames went higher."
TR: Thinking about singing "Billy Jean" tonight and doing the moonwalk a little.
GK: Sounds like a plan.
TR: I'll give you back to your mother.
SS (OFF): Give me the phone, Hank—now look at my legs. Do I have little lines all over them? From the chair? (TR: Yeah). Oh great. Just great. I look like I slept on venetian blinds. (ON) Honey are you still there?
GK: I'm here, mom.
SS: Honey, what I wanted to tell you is that I think you need more sun. I think you'd be more positive and you'd be able to finish your novel if you sat outdoors more and you can get one of these anti-reflective screens for your computer so you can work in bright sunlight.
GK: Mom---- I'm in Minnesota.
SS: So get a sun lamp.
GK: I don't think so, Mom.
SS: I knew you were going to reject that idea, Duane. And that's fine. Just never mind. I'll never suggest anything again.
GK: Mom, I'm in debt, my car died. I can't afford a sun lamp. It's just not going to happen.
SS: No no. I get the picture. You don't want me to help you get out of this spiral of darkness that you're in, so I will just shut up and butt out.
GK: I didn't say that, mom.
SS: You know one thing these support groups have taught me, is to give up hope of ever changing you. Because on the other side of hope is the fear of failure. Where there's hope, you have fear, and I don't want either one, honey, I don't.
GK: Mom, just calm down.
SS: And that's why I can't come home. I haven't told your dad yet, but when we reach Key West tomorrow, I'm gonna walk away from the ship and get a job in a dance hall or something, get myself a slinky dress and put on a lot of mascara and become a B-girl and do the hootchie-kootchie with lonely sailors, and you'll never have to deal with me again.
SS: That's the best way to give up hope, Duane. Just go live on the dark side and pursue utter degradation. No hope Duane. And No Fear. (SOBS)
GK: I'm going outside now, Mom.
SS: Forget it.
GK: No, I'll do it. Okay? I'll stand out in the 7 degree sunshine and I'll soak it up.
SS: You're just saying that to make me happy.
GK: I'm not. I'm going to find a patch of sunshine out there and I'll sit in it until I get positive feelings.
SS: Well. You do whatever you want.
GK: By the way, I had another date with Vanessa, Mom. Valentine's Day. We went to a dance and we stayed up until three a.m. talking. I really like her a lot. I'm going to see her again tonight.
SS: Uh huh. Vanessa----- she's the really skinny one, right? The one with the eating disorder?
GK: She's fine, she just keeps in shape.
SS: And she's on methadone?
GK: She's a Methodist, mom. A Methodist.
SS: Oh. But she's the one with A.D.H.D.?
GK: A.D.H. A. American Dental Hygienists Association.
SS: Well, it's always something, isn't it. Anyway, you do whatever you're going to do because that's what you'll do anyway.
GK: Thanks mom. Go have fun on your cruise.
SS: It's not about fun, honey. It's about finding closure.
GK: Well whatever it's about.
SS: Okay, love you honey, see you soon, mwah.
GK: Love you mom. Bye now.
SS: Bye now.
Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).