Sea Men, May 4, 2013

Ted Constant Convocation Center

Norfolk, VA


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Sea Men

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(HARMONICA UNDER......)

GK: I was married in the spring, married the admiral's daughter, and On the morning of what turned out to be my wedding day, I was standing on the beach, blindfolded, hands tied behind my back.

SS (WEEPING): Would you like a cigarette?

GK: Thanks. (STRIKE MATCH) (HE EXHALES) Boy. If I'd known I was going to be shot by a firing squad, I never would've quit smoking last year. Oh well-----

(MARCHING FEET. FN: COMPANY....HALT! PRESENT ARMS!!!) (RIFLE PRESENT)

SS (WEEPING): If you won't marry me, Daddy will have you executed, darling.

GK: I realize that.

SS: Please. Say yes. Before they shoot you.

GK: I'm a sailor, darling. I'm not the marryin kind.

SS: Please. I can't bear to see you die here on the beach. Just say yes.

FN (OFF): Rifle squad---- READY! (CLUNK OF RIFLE BUTTS)

GK: I wasn't meant for home ownership. I was meant to go to sea.

SS: We could go on cruises together.

FN (OFF): SHOULDER---- ARMS! HMMHHH!

SS: Please, darling.

FN (OFF): COMPANY, LOCK AND LOAD! (RIFLE LOADING)

SS: Do it for me, darling. Please. Just say yes.

FN (OFF): COMPANY, AIM!!!! (RIFLES RAISED)

GK: Okay.

SS: You'll marry me?

GK: Yes.

FN (OFF): COMPANY DISMISSED! (CHEERS)

GK: And that's how I got married. Seventeen years ago. Here in Norfolk.

BRIDGE (WAVES, DISTANT SHIP HORN)

SS: Why do you need to sail on the ocean for weeks at a time? Why?
To go out in the cold and the rain and risk a storm coming up and ---- It's not for fish. You hate fish. Why do you do it? (LONG PAUSE) (THEN DISTANT BUGLE, AND SURF)

GK: Because man needs a sense of grandeur. (TR & FN: Grandeur! Grandeur! IN FADING SERIES) You don't get a sense of grandeur from sitting in a cubicle staring at a computer ---- You get it from the sea!

TR: (BRIT, REVERB) I must go down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky, And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by,

GK: Men were not meant to be part of a herd. (SHEEP) To run a race with other rats. (RATS) We are sailors! We awaken in the morning and hear our Viking ancestors call to us . (TR SHOUTS IN OLD NORSE), and we go down to the sea---- (MALE CRIES OF RESOLVE) ----- (SURF, GULLS.

GK: Grandeur! It's the alternative to therapy. This is a man in therapy.

FN (SMALL WHINGEING VOICE): I always felt emotionally distant from my dad ---- he was never there for me --- we never really bonded ---- he wasn't a good emotional role model for me.

GK: That's a man in therapy: pitiful, whiny, vague. Here's a man out on the sea.

TR: (JOHN WAYNE) Okay, you men, we're getting on those ships and we're sailing to Troy and we're going to teach those Trojans a lesson they'll never forget And when we get done killing them, we're going to name a condom after them. (MANLY LAUGHTER)

GK: We go to the sea for grandeur. And to get away from women and their endless questions.

SS: I'm thinking I might get my hair cut. What do you think?

GK: Okay.

SS: You think I should get it cut short?

GK: Sure.

SS: Or should I leave it the way it is?

GK: Sounds good.

SS: How come you're so quiet?

GK: Just thinking.

SS: Thinking about what?

GK: Stuff.

SS: What stuff?

GK: Different stuff.

SS: Tell me.

GK: It's nothing.

SS: How can you think about nothing?

GK: I do it all the time.

SS: Why don't we ever talk?

GK: We're talking right now.

SS: Will you tell me the truth if I ask you something?

GK: Of course.

SS: Are you seeing Annabel Lee?

GK: What????

SS: Annabel Lee. Who lived in a kingdom by the sea. You know. Who loved with a love that was more than love.

GK: She died. A wind blew out of a cloud chilling and killing her.

SS: She lived with no other thought than to love and be loved by you.

GK: It was many and many a year ago.

SS: I know but still----

GK: She was shut up in a sepulcher in that kingdom by the sea.

SS: I think the moon never beams without bringing you dreams of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

(BRIDGE)-----

(RADAR PINGING)

TR: Something's directly overhead, sir. Shall we dive deeper?

GK: Let me hear it.

TR: It sounds like singing, sir.

GK: Maybe it's an enemy sub trying to distract us.

TR: I'm tracking it, sir. It is circling directly overhead. (FN WHALE SINGING) I think it's a whale, sir.

GK: A whale?

TR: Yes, sir. A whale. And he's singing.

GK: White?

TR: Doesn't sound white to me. (FN WHALE: DOCK OF THE BAY)

GK: Take the periscope up.

TR: Periscope up. (SFX)

GK: Let me have a look. (SFX) It is a humpback whale. With a bevy of female dolphins. (SFX) And there's an island over there, and there are women sitting on the rocks. Naked beautiful women. Open the hatch.

TR: Open the hatch. (SFX, HATCH OPENING)

DIGIS: (HUMMING DA DOO RON RON IN SIRENLIKE STYLE)

GK: They're looking at us. I can't take my eyes off them.

TR: Where are you going, Captain?

GK: I want to meet them.

TR: You have to stay with the ship, sir.

GK: You stay with the ship.

(BRIDGE)

SS: (BREATHY) Hi. How was your voyage?

GK: It was okay.

SS: Did you miss me?

GK: Of course.

SS: You were gone three months.

GK: I know.

SS: Ohhhh. You're bleeding.

GK: Got in a fight with a shark.

SS: Your nose is broken----

GK: Let me straighten it. (RRRAKK) It got broken when the sirens grabbed me.

SS: Sirens?

GK: Wouldn't let go of me. Had me by the nose. Broke it. (KRRAKK)

SS: What happened to your clothes? You're practically naked.

GK: My clothes were soaked with blood. The shark ate them.

SS: You're so brave. Did you go visit the sepulchre?

GK: Which sepulchre?

SS: Annabel Lee's.

GK: No.

(FANFARE)

GK: Grandeur. That's what men need. Bravery!! (WHINNY, HORSE HOOVES) Nobility!!! (BAGPIPES) A purpose.

TR: ONE IF BY LAND AND TWO IF BY SEA.

GK: What does that mean?

TR: I don't know. I just like the sound of it. ONE IF BY LAND AND TWO IF BY SEA.

GK: Grandeur! (SHIP'S HORN) Onward, into the storm. (BUGLE) (STORM) Grandeur!!!! To the sea!!!

(BIG CRASHING PIANO CHORDS WITH MULTIPLE FALSE ENDINGS)

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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