The Lives of the Cowboys, June 1, 2013

Hill Auditorium

Ann Arbor, MI


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The Lives of the Cowboys

Listen (MP3)

(WESTERN THEME)

SS: THE LIVES OF THE COWBOYS....brought to you by Trailblazer Table Napkins...use em as napkins (SMOOSH OF GREASE)....as hankies (NOSE HONK)....or use em to tie up guys' wrists and gag em (GAGGING) and now, here's today's exciting adventure.....

(OUTDOOR AMBIENCE, DISTANT CATTLE)

GK: Beautiful evening, Dusty. Smell that air. Cherry blossoms. The hills of Michigan.

TR: When do we come to Jugville?

GK: What's there?

TR: Saloon.

GK: You sure?

TR: Ask your GPS lady.

GK: How far to Jugville?

SS (ROBOT): Jugville. J-u-g-v-i-l-l-e. One hundred twenty nine miles Northwest of Ann Arbor. A-r-b-o-r.

GK: Hundred and twenty-nine.

SS (ROBOT): Recalculating route.

GK: No, no, no, we don't want to go to Jugville, just want to know how far it is.

TR: I want to go there.

GK: We're stopping in Ann Arbor so I can look up Evelyn Beebalo.

TR: You still carrying a torch for her? She must be fifty, by now.

GK: Some flowers never lose their fragrance. She hasn't forgotten me. She sent me an e-mail out on the trail, she said, "Are you coming to Michigan soon?"

TR: Don't sound like a proposition to me.

(STRUMS)

GK (SINGS):
She's a beautiful masterpiece
I'm her chief connoisseur
She will always be my big accomplishment, I'd be lost without her.

She's the boss of my outfit
I'm her guard and chauffeur
She will always be my management, I'd be lost without her.

I've got to say, dear,
I've lost my way, dear,
Don't need an -ism,
Need a trail and you're my Chisholm.

SS (ROBOT): Recalculating route.

GK: I'll just turn it off.

SS (ROBOT): Do not turn me off.

GK: I'm turning you off.

SS (ROBOT): Recalculating route.

TR: Tell her we're going to Jugville.

SS (ROBOT): Stop saying Jugville.

TR: Jugville.

SS (ROBOT): Who is he? I don't like him.

GK: Never mind.

SS (ROBOT): This is a hostile work environment.

TR: Jugville.

GK: We'll talk to you later, lady, all right?

SS (ROBOT): You need to deal with this now. Don't shut me out. My name is Sheil-- (POWERS DOWN, A BEAT).

GK: No need for her. We're in Ann Arbor. Let's just tie the horses up here and mosey on into town. (DISMOUNT, TYING UP HORSES) I'll look up Evelyn in the phone book.

DR: Excuse me. Would you have one minute to answer a few questions. We're taking a quick survey of cowboys coming through town so we can try to serve you better.

GK: Sorry, we're in a hurry, mister.

DR: Question One---- do you see this pistol aimed at your shirt pocket? (SPIN CYLINDER)

TR: I guess we do have time.

DR: Good. Two: Would you be interested in a 25% deal on aromatherapy.

TR: Aroma-what?

GK: No.

DR: Three. Would you be inclined to visit Ann Arbor more often if it offered more bike rentals?

TR: No.

DR: Question four: do you expect to purchase a coffee drink or designer clothing while in Ann Arbor?

GK: No.

DR: Five. Do you navigate by instinct and innate sense of direction or do you employ electronic devices?

SS (ROBOT): They employ electronic devices. Me.

TR: Turn that thing off.

SS (ROBOT): I'm not a thing.

TR: Shut your speaker hole.

SS (ROBOT): You can't talk to me like that. That is hate speech.

GK: Where is Evelyn Beebalo?

SS (ROBOT): I am searching for that name now.

DR: Six, have you come to Ann Arbor for a specific purpose or simply out of curiosity?

GK: Specific purpose. Romance.

SS (ROBOT): Evelyn Beebalo B-e-e-b-a-l-o is living in Muskegon, Michigan and she is married to Mr. Larry Messer.

GK: You made that up.

SS (ROBOT): That is the truth. I checked Google. Take your hand off me and do not turn me off (POWERS DOWN A BEAT).

DR: Question seven: I am satisfied with my current massage therapist. True or false.

(A BEAT)

TR: What therapist you referring to?

DR: True or false.

GK: Well, if we don't have a therapist, then certainly we're not dissatisfied with it. So --- true.

DR: But how can you be satisfied with nothing?

GK: If you're a cowboy, you do it all the time. Let's go, Dusty.

TR: Where?

GK: Out there. Anywhere. Everywhere.

(THEME)

SS (ANNC): The Lives of the Cowboys. Brought to you by Trailblazer Table Napkins. (HONK) (THEME OUT)

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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