Camp, June 29, 2013

Koussevitzky Music Shed at Tanglewood

Lenox, MA


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GK: Young Crispin Duffy was sent to Camp Tanglewood for two weeks every summer against his will.

FN (KID): Please don't make me go, I don't wanna, I love you guys, I want to stay here!!!!

GK: And off he went and the camp director was a very strange man (FN IGOR: Your cabin is over there, master. The one with the vultures on the roof. LAUGHS). And Crispin's counselor was odd.

TR (RUSSIAN)

GK: And the very first night Crispin woke in the middle of the night (NIGHT SOUNDS) ----he had to go to the bathroom.

FN (KID): Oh no. What am I going to do?

GK: He tried to pee on the bed but he was too well brought up and the pee wouldn't come. (FN KID: Darn.) So he got his tiny flashlight (SFX) and tiptoed out the door (SFX) and the bears who lived under the cabin (SFX) did not wake up, and he walked down the path (SFX) and tripped over a root (SFX) and fell, and the flashlight went flying off and landed on the ground (SFX) and in the light Crispin saw two big hairy feet in a pair of sandals (BREATHING).

GK: Meanwhile, back in the city, Crispin's parents were having a wonderful time.

SS: What a fabulous day this has been. The art museum this morning. Yoga. Lunch. The nap. The play. And now a late supper with you. Something is so different about today. What is it?

FN: You're right. Something has changed.

SS: Didn't there used to be someone else around the house?

FN: I think so.

SS: A little person?

FN: Beats me.

GK: Meanwhile, back at Camp Tanglewood Crispin lay frozen in fear (BREATHING) on the trail through the woods, looking at the two enormous hairy feet in sandals.

TR (BIG DEEP): You looking for the toilet, Boy?

FN (KID): Yes, sir.

TR (BIG DEEP): Follow me, Boy.

GK: And he picked up the flashlight and now Crispin saw ---- yes, the man had a hook instead of a right hand ---- (GASP OF FEAR)

TR (BIG DEEP): Something wrong, Boy?

FN (KID): No sir.

TR (BIG DEEP): You looking at my hook?

FN (KID): No sir.

TR (BIG DEEP): I keep it nice and sharp so I can (HE SWINGS AND CHOPS INTO A TREE) do some real damage if I need to.

GK: They came to a cabin in the woods and the hook man opened the door. (SQUEAKY DOOR)

TR (BIG DEEP): Go in there and practice.

FN (KID): Yes, sir.

TR (BIG DEEP): Four hours.

FN (KID): Yes, sir.

TR (BIG DEEP): And don't let me hear you stop, Boy. Or else (HE SWINGS, CRUNCHES INTO WOOD)

FN (KID): Yes, sir.

(PIANO SCALES, SLOW AND CAREFUL)

GK: And he went into the cabin and practiced. As his piano teacher walked by.

SS: Practice! Hear me??? (CRACK OF WHIP) Keep practicing!!!!

GK: Years later, after he'd made a killing in investment banking, Crispin remembered Camp Tanglewood.

FN: I hated it. I was a misfit, a geek, and what I wanted was to be cool but Camp Tanglewood gave me a sense of discipline that enabled me to become fabulously wealthy and have homes in New York, Palm Beach, and Lenox, Massachusetts, and to marry a soprano. (SS VOCAL FLOURISH)

GK: Mr. and Mrs. Crispin have more money than they know what to do with.

FN: I'm thinking we should donate fifty or sixty million dollars to Tanglewood, darling.

SS: But why, darling?

FN: For renovation. To make a new, state-of-the-art music camp.

SS: But the old camp run by cruel counselors is what gave you the discipline to become a billionaire.

FN: Oh?

SS: You suffered cruelly at music camp and that lit the fires of ambition in you to go out into the world and crush your competition and grind other bankers into the dust and steal their assets.

FN: Of course.

SS: Don't cheat today's campers of the chance to suffer and grow up to become wildly successful like you.

FN: I hadn't thought of it that way. (BRIDGE)

GK: And that night, Crispin woke up because he had to pee. So he walked down the long marble hallway of his summer house in Lenox (SFX) to his bathroom gleaming with gold fixtures, but he was half asleep and (DOOR OPEN) he went outdoors (SFX) and the door closed behind him (SFX) and it locked. (RATTLE OF DOORKNOB) And he saw two great hairy feet in sandals ahead of him.

TR (BIG DEEP): Our endowment drive ends on Friday and we need fifty million dollars from you. Here's a checkbook.

FN: Yes, sir.

TR (BIG DEEP): We'll name a parking lot after you.

FN: Thank you.

TR (BIG DEEP): That's fifty million. Seven zeroes. Not three. Three is five thousand. You need four more zeroes.

FN: Yes, sir.

GK: And that's the story of Tanglewood.....where students learn the life skills that will stand them in good stead in their future lives as leaders (BUGLE, HORSES WHINNY), as captains (BOAT RIGGING, WIND, TR: STEADY AS SHE GOES, MAN THE CAPSTANS), as world-famous surgeons (CLINK OF INSTRUMENTS, FN: Micro-probe.....SS: Micro-probe.......FN Laser......SS: Laser. LASER SFX), and as novelists. (TYPING) FN: His hand reached out to me and I could see the curved steel like a scimitar. It was a hook. Instead of a right hand, he had a hook. It was sharp. Relax, he said, as he put it against my bare skin.

(BAND PLAYOFF)

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

Available now»

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