GK: Our sound effects man Fred Newman lives in an old house at the end of a long dark road under the oak trees (NIGHT SOUNDS) and children who live nearby in Mapleville are reluctant to walk up to his house on Halloween because there is a high humming sound in the trees (SFX) that could be telephone wires, but who knows. (HISSING) And what is that? (BATS FLYING) And that? (EVIL CLAUGHTER) That's not good. (CHAINSAW) That's a recording, right? That's not a real chainsaw. (CHAINSAW IN WOOD) That is a real chainsaw. Why would someone be cutting wood at this late hour? (EVIL LAUGHTER)
Children know that Fred and his personal assistant Igor give out great candy (IGOR: COME IN. FRED IS UPSTAIRS. SORRY IT'S SO DARK IN HERE. LET ME SEE. WHERE DID WE PUT THE CANDY. IN HERE? (DOOR OPEN, TORTURED SOUL WAILS, DOOR SLAM) NO, NOT THERE. MAYBE HERE. (DOOR OPEN. ZOMBIE GARGLE. DOOR CLOSE) NO, NOT THERE). It's a whole pound of chocolate with peanuts and honey caramel and nougat and ---- (IGOR: OH. I FORGOT. IT'S IN THE CELLAR. COULD YOU GO DOWN AND GET IT? OH THAT'S GOOD. IT'S RIGHT DOWN AT THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS. OH, AND IF THE WOLF BOTHERS YOU, JUST TELL HIM "GOODBYE SWEETIEPIE" OKAY?) (SLOW FOOTSTEPS ON CREAKING STAIRS)
GK: So down the stairs you go into the cellar. (IGOR: THE LIGHT SWITCH IS ON THE WALL.) (SWITCH CLICKS) (IGOR: OH? IT'S BURNT OUT?? OH. SORRY) (SLOW FOOTSTEPS) It smells musty and dusty down here. And there's the smell of blood. And you reach the bottom of the stairs (BAT FLIES BY) and you see a candle burning across the room and you walk towards it (SFX) and (WOLF GROWL) there's the wolf. Licking his chops. (SFX) Goodbye, sweetiepie. (GROWL) I said, Goodbye sweetiepie. (PARROT: GOODBYE SWEETIEPIE. GOODBYE SWEETIEPIE) And the wolf walks away. And you pick up the candy. (SFX) Which is beautiful, wrapped in waxed paper. And you carry it up the stairs. (SFX) Or you start to and then the third stair opens up (SFX) and you drop into a dark hole (SFX) and onto a catapult (SFX) that shoots you up the stairs (SFX) and you land in the kitchen (IGOR: Very good. So it works.) And Fred is there.
FN: Hi. Happy Halloween. Having fun? Hope you enjoy the candy.
GK: And then he disappears in a burst of flame (SFX) and he's gone. You go out the door. And a pack of pig-men is out there (SFX) and you head back the way you came (SFX) but is this the way? There is a pendulum blade (SFX), swinging back and forth and it's coming closer and closer to you (SFX), and there is a heart beating inside that tree (SFX)....
GK: ...And you start to run (SFX) all the way up the long dirt road and across the busy highway (TRAFFIC) and you stop on the other side and a truck stops (SFX) and a man rolls down the window. (SFX)
FN (LOW): Hey. You need a ride? Get in back.
GK: In back with the alligator?
FN (LOW): He's harmless, he just fed.
GK: The man has a shaven head and a hundred tattoos and he's drinking out of a bottle in a paper bag (SFX) and there's the alligator (SFX) and there's a one-eyed man with a green head (BASQUE GIBBERISH), but what the heck? It's Halloween. What's life without a little adventure?
Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).